Time To Make Enemies Out of Everyone

"PS9" (PS9) 03/28/2014 at 21:56 • Filed to: None

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Unpopular Opinion/Shitstorm in 3...2...

Dogs are horrible. Terrible, Terrible, awful disgusting creatures. A loud, messy inconvenience at best, and dangerous at worst. Maybe I feel this way after years and years of compulsory proximity to them, coupled with living in a neighborhood full of irresponsible pet owners who drive around with their mutts unleashed in the back of their pickups at 50 MPH down the highway. Maybe that's not fair to them. But at this point, I don't care. I'm done. I've had enough.

This does not mean I'm down with animal cruelty. Animals do not deserve to be abused, and they have their place in the world. But after receiving a constant and neverending stream of harassment for just existing, there is simply no way I could ever become a dog owner. No way. Not happening. In my house, Rules 1-through-4 will be "No Dogs", with the 5th being "Humans only".

Brian Silvestro > PS9 03/28/2014 at 21:58

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I like dogs but NO FUCKING WAY will I ever own one. So much fucking work, it's like taking care of a small child in every way.

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > PS9 03/28/2014 at 21:59

7

But, friends for life doe

Zipppy, Mazdurp builder, Probeski owner and former ricerboy > PS9 03/28/2014 at 22:00

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I'm not giving in to the dog-owning crowd, just yet... Pet birds ftw.

The Dummy Gummy > PS9 03/28/2014 at 22:00

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Generalizations are never wise. That's all I will say.

PS9 > Brian Silvestro 03/28/2014 at 22:00

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...a small child that cannot get a job, move out, put their shit in the toilet where it belongs or discern 'genuine threat' from 'person going about their business'.

For Sweden > PS9 03/28/2014 at 22:03

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Counterpoint: Herding dogs. They're useful.

SaabLife, because Gripen > PS9 03/28/2014 at 22:05

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My boy and I were reading your post and he thought you were talking about cats.

He's upset with your massive generalizations.

Brian Silvestro > PS9 03/28/2014 at 22:06

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Yep, exactly.

BJ > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 03/28/2014 at 22:06

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My neighbours have a bumper sticker that says "Dogs are children you don't have to send to university." Every time I see it, I think, "Dogs are children that die when you're still young and that can't care for you when you grow old."

Don't get me wrong, I like dogs. They're offer a terribly good amount of fun and loving and all that. But I don't live on a farm, and that's the only place where I would have a dog.

(Secretly, I would like to have a Pug, 'cause they're SOOOOO cute/ugly, but there's no way in hell I'm going to pick up his shit off the sidewalk or dig it out of the grass so the kids can play. So no dogs in my house.)

desertdog5051 > PS9 03/28/2014 at 22:06

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Had several as a child. Never had to tend to them. Mom always did that. No time or reason for that now. Great when they are other peoples pets.

Lekker > PS9 03/28/2014 at 22:07

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I used to think like that. Until I got my husky. They're nothing like kids. Kids don't learn that quick. Kids can't be taught to shit outside. Kids need attention 24/7. Buuuuuuuuut you do have a point.

interrogator-chaplain > For Sweden 03/28/2014 at 22:09

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Hold the fucking phone. Is that fucking Corgi herding sheep?!

For Sweden > interrogator-chaplain 03/28/2014 at 22:11

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...herding is what Corgis do...

interrogator-chaplain > SaabLife, because Gripen 03/28/2014 at 22:12

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Oh dammit, that's just adorable.

Slave2anMG > PS9 03/28/2014 at 22:13

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I"m not a dog person. But like you I'll not stand for anybody abusing a dog or any other animal...

interrogator-chaplain > For Sweden 03/28/2014 at 22:14

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REALLY? Wow, I genuinely had no idea.

Makoyouidiot > Brian Silvestro 03/28/2014 at 22:17

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I have 3 dogs, and yeah it's a lot of work, but in no way is even taking care of 3 of them anywhere near taking care of my 1 year old.

Eutropius > Zipppy, Mazdurp builder, Probeski owner and former ricerboy 03/28/2014 at 22:22

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All I'm saying is if there's one animal destined to be man's best friend my money is on the one whose shits don't smell.

Brian Silvestro > Makoyouidiot 03/28/2014 at 22:23

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Now you're making me think my mother goes way overboard with taking care of her dog, she treats it better than me or my sister.

Agrajag > PS9 03/28/2014 at 22:32

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I'm sitting here with this little adorable guy on my lap. And I agree with you. Don't get me wrong I love this guy, but I won't get another dog.

Makoyouidiot > Brian Silvestro 03/28/2014 at 22:33

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Ahh, a pampered pooch. My boys live in the backyard, they get to come into the utility room if it's below 40 degrees or if it's raining, get watered twice a day (most of the water is lost to evaporation, being in Texas) and fed in the morning, and they occasionally get to go riding around with me or come in the house to eat scraps or hang on the couch. I have two Australian/German Shepherd mixes, and a full blood Jack Russel Terrier (he's the biggest pain as he was a pampered pooch when my mother-in-law lived by herself, but he's adjusting to my rules pretty easily) My son is DEFINITELY a bigger handfull than all three dogs...and even if you add my 37 chickens in...yeah the son is still worse.

Brian Silvestro > Makoyouidiot 03/28/2014 at 22:34

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37...Chickens....Yeah you're a pretty hardworking dude with a lot on your plate, that's for damn sure.

Jayhawk Jake > PS9 03/28/2014 at 22:37

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Cats are better. Pictured: my cat being awesome

Makoyouidiot > Brian Silvestro 03/28/2014 at 22:39

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Lol, a bit...although the chickens mostly care for themselves as long as we keep them watered, they're free range and during the spring/summer/fall they have shittons of bugs to eat.

PS9 > Jayhawk Jake 03/28/2014 at 22:41

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Cats are smarter. They can at least tell the difference between a real threat and an everyday occurrence, and only meow when they want something (as opposed to barking as loud as possible everytime air molecules bump into eachother...). I could probably find cat ownership tolerable.

Still not going to happen, though.

Bad Idea Hat > For Sweden 03/28/2014 at 22:45

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I've seen a Corgi in action herding sheep. It almost seemed like the sheep weren't annoyed by it, wherein I've seen other animals with various shepherd dogs, and that's more of a different story.

CPT Speedbump > PS9 03/28/2014 at 22:55

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At best, dogs save lives and protect property *

Brian Silvestro > Makoyouidiot 03/28/2014 at 22:56

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"Bugs.

Bugs as far as the eye can see."

A chicken to his children talking about your range

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > interrogator-chaplain 03/28/2014 at 22:57

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Sheep and Shetland Ponies

PS9 > CPT Speedbump 03/28/2014 at 23:01

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Even the most vicious pitbull cannot compete with a bullet.

Vince-The Roadside Mechanic > Brian Silvestro 03/28/2014 at 23:06

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I have a cat and a dog my cat slaps my dog when he is out of line so it works pretty well

Vince-The Roadside Mechanic > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 03/28/2014 at 23:11

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What breeds are they

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > Vince-The Roadside Mechanic 03/28/2014 at 23:18

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Molly(top) is part poodle, part shih tzu, and part terrier.

Shadow(bottom) is either an Australian kelpie, or German Shepard/Spaniel mix.

Vince-The Roadside Mechanic > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 03/28/2014 at 23:22

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They are both beautiful dogs here is my dog bandit when he was little

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > Vince-The Roadside Mechanic 03/28/2014 at 23:23

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DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

Vince-The Roadside Mechanic > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 03/28/2014 at 23:24

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Here he is now he walks on his back feet 90% of the time

You can tell a Finn but you can't tell him much > PS9 03/28/2014 at 23:24

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Good to know I'm not the only one to hate dogs. And I freely admit to hating the unpredictable dangerous bastards.

Vince-The Roadside Mechanic > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 03/28/2014 at 23:26

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Here he is with my cat Bigcat

Vince-The Roadside Mechanic > Vince-The Roadside Mechanic 03/28/2014 at 23:27

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Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > Vince-The Roadside Mechanic 03/28/2014 at 23:29

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Kinja'd

TheBloody, Oppositelock lives on in our shitposts. > PS9 03/28/2014 at 23:30

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Dogs are protectors and companions, also there is that whole not giving you parasites that make you crazy like cats can potentially do ( http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2012/… ).

Vince-The Roadside Mechanic > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 03/28/2014 at 23:31

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Ya I get that face whenever he gets in trouble so it is impossible to punish him

All Motor Is Best Motor > PS9 03/28/2014 at 23:32

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There's no way you can hate this:

Our big man Zeus, our great protector.

Vince-The Roadside Mechanic > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 03/28/2014 at 23:33

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Dang it kinja I hope it works this time

CPT Speedbump > PS9 03/28/2014 at 23:39

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A robber can't compete with a pitbull and a bullet ;) and I wouldn't be so sure about your comment, if a pitbull really loves it's owner, a bullet might not do much to stop it at that moment, and if a dogs running at someone in a house, they dont have much time to aim and fire, especially with their nerves at that moment probably already being on high alert. In my house's case, a bullet can't compete with a American bull dog, a Chow Chow, and 2 Labrador Husky's..and all my bullets. What I'm saying is- my doors get locked to protect anyone who might want to get in, not me.

Makoyouidiot > Brian Silvestro 03/28/2014 at 23:43

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Exactly!

TheBloody, Oppositelock lives on in our shitposts. > PS9 03/28/2014 at 23:44

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Tell that to my friends dog, he took a 9mm to the chest and still kept attacking the home invader. Stubborn bastered lived for two years after that before he finally died due to complications. He was an awesome dog.

fhrblig > PS9 03/28/2014 at 23:52

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No skin off my back, I just wanted an excuse to post this.

PS9 > TheBloody, Oppositelock lives on in our shitposts. 03/28/2014 at 23:54

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Dogs can be companions, but so can humans. Humans can actually get jobs and contribute to household expenses. A dog can only consume them.

Dogs protect you from things you don't need protecting from, like passing vehicles, people on bicycles, stray gusts of wind, mailmen and delivery people in general, new friends/neighbors/love interests, other owners' dogs - basically any event anywhere. Unlike security personnel, a Dog cannot tell where it's territory ends and everyone elses begins. The whole earth is a dogs territory, so anywhere you chose to go, it will be ready to defend you from the benign threats mentioned above.

If you shout "HEY YOU! STAY BACK!" while brandishing a firearm at everyone , you're bound to catch the people who mean you real harm in the dragnet I suppose. This is a faulty defense strategy at best - there are 100% legitimate reasons for people to approach you and your property on a daily basis - but no dog can grasp this, which is why it is the only defense they are known to employ. A Dog is not capable of stopping an actually threat; a home invader is likely to case the place before the hit, and no dog anywhere can compete with a bullet.

BONUS ROUND: Leave your dog for any extended period of time, and it will emit a noise so ear-screechingly bad, that it would make jamming screwdrivers down your eardrums seem a rational solution to the problem.

Cats only make noise when they want stuff. They're also smart enough to stay away from potential threats. Parasites are bad, but it's rather meaningless to me since I won't be owning either animal, ever.

PS9 > TheBloody, Oppositelock lives on in our shitposts. 03/29/2014 at 00:02

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Your friends dog got lucky in that instance. It's a great story, but a few inches to the left or right, or one between the eyes would have meant instant death for the dog. Glad it was able to stop the intruder in that instance. Still not ever going to consider getting one. Ever.

PS9 > CPT Speedbump 03/29/2014 at 00:04

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'Love' is not magical. A ruptured aorta or shredded grey matter will result in instant death for any mammal, dog or otherwise.

CPT Speedbump > PS9 03/29/2014 at 00:13

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humans on drugs have been shot numerous times before falling, and adrenaline is one hell of a drug, and shooting the aorta of a dog running out of you would be a lucky shot for a lousy house thief

SaabLife, because Gripen > PS9 03/29/2014 at 01:09

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I don't think they're trying to convince you to get a dog. Just trying to say that a dog can serve a purpose beyond being a "terrible, terrible, inconvenient, awful disgusting creature." You're clearly not a dog person. Nothing wrong with that.

I'm not offended or anything by what you've posted. Hell, I have a list of animals that I would never own. But I can see how some of what you're saying might rub them the wrong way, since it doesn't sound like you've ever owned one (or will, clearly).

But hey, we're all entitled to our thoughts. I on the other hand couldn't imagine life without a dog.

Frank Grimes > For Sweden 03/29/2014 at 11:29

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Nibby > PS9 03/29/2014 at 12:53

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I like dogs, but after having one for a few months; NOPE

Too much work. But they will love you like nothing else.

Sunray09 > fhrblig 03/30/2014 at 08:47

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You are a sad pathetic individual I suggest you get a cat more properly 2.

Philbert/Phartnagle > PS9 03/30/2014 at 14:31

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It's ok, dogs probably do not like you either.

thebigbossyboss > PS9 04/01/2014 at 09:41

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Agreed. I told my girlfriend now fiancee, no dogs. Ever. That's just me. We have a cat, sometimes he is a pain, but at least he keeps the squirrels at bay in summer.

thebigbossyboss > PS9 04/01/2014 at 09:46

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Cats are also less trainable though. My cat gets batty this time of year. All he wants to do is go out, and it's not quite nice enough yet to let him have free range!

thebigbossyboss > Zipppy, Mazdurp builder, Probeski owner and former ricerboy 04/01/2014 at 09:47

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Oh god. I would never own a bird.

Stef Schrader > PS9 04/01/2014 at 20:06

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I'll admit that I'm not really a dog person. I mean, I really have to warm up to your animals to not go full-OCD with my personal space bubble. Once we're cool, though, we're cool, but until then...hey, hey, hey, those are my balls.

Denver Is Stuck In The 90s > PS9 08/02/2014 at 22:03

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How could you hate this shayna punum? :(